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ellechantonne
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Name: Hannah
Birthday: 10/19/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: Dancing, debate, piano, singing, French, Italian, dogs, horses, art, photography, acting, cinimatography, film, reading, public speaking
Message: message me
AIM:  ellechantonne
Member Since:
2/21/2004
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| wow, I feel so much better. | | |
| So much in the last few days. Watching my class graduate. Saying goodbye to my best friend. Feeling rejected by a guy I liked. Having to gather motivation to clean, pack and move away. Finishing Sunday school, and saying bye to my teens for the next 2 months. Not being sure if I'll be able to get into Summer classes at Biola. Being depressed for no good reason at all. Unable to snap out of it. Not moving forward. Being completely useless.
I know I keep obsessing about this stupid guy, but I can't help it. I keep running over the details in my mind, and I don't know what went wrong. I can't even remember being rejected before...I think this is a first. It sucks. Now I know why people shut down. I won't, I'm not THAT devistated. And it's just one guy. But still, I have to pause, and reflect, cause it's really affecting me.
I think the worse part is he told our mutual friend he thinks I want a relationship, and he's not ready for that. My first thought is, how would he know, he never asked me. I never did anything to make him think that. I just want to casually date, I want fun. Why can't we have that? Then I think, maybe he's just saying that as an excuse. After all, if the perfect girl came along, no guy would say they weren't ready. So maybe I'm just not it. Which makes me feel even worse than my first thought did. And then I think, if only he knew how many guys I've said no to receintly. I'm far from desperate, but for some reason I don't want anyone else. But he'll never see that. However, this makes me think I might be the one playing games, because I didn't even like him that much when he was all over me. It wasn't until he hesitated and didn't call that I began to like him. Which means I'm one of those screwed up freaks that only like people they can't have. Honestly, I don't want something serious with him, I couldn't marry him, I don't even want to think about that right now. But I want to play. I want to entertain something more than just meeting some guy every night. I hate dating, so it says a lot that I want to do it with him. Usually dating is awkward and annoying. You feel weird, and the other person acts wierd, and you think "they're a loser, I never want to have to be around you again." So I never date, I avoid it at all costs. Yet somehow, I finally found someone I want to be around. Someone that surprises me, and keeps me entertained. Someone I just want to laugh with, and DO STUFF with. I ACTUALLY WAAANNT TO DATE. And you'd think, for someone like me, if I actually found someone I like enough to spend time with, I'd finally be able to. But no. The guy with the great personality, turns out to be a immature freak who scares easily and complains his lips are raw from too much kissing. I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO KISS THAT MUCH. I kept pulling away, asking for a break, but stupid guys with their stupid over-controlling hormones keep getting physical, and then blame the girl the next morning when they never got off because SOME of us have standards. And it's a damn good thing too, cause otherwise we'd have wasted our perfectly good skills AND emotions on someone who'd be out the door without ever bothering to call. Seriously, when you're kissing a girl, and then pause to tell her you want to see her every spare moment she has before she leaves for the summer, and then you wake up the next day scared she might have taken that the wrong way, and possibly want a RELATIONSHIP from you now....YOU ONLY HAVE YOURSELF TO BLAME. So, the only RATIONAL thing to do, that shows any form of maturity, is to find your balls, give her a call, and work the dumb thing out. Why can't boys get over their egos and realize for us NORMAL GIRLS, our lives don't revolve around them. We might not be so weird as to wake up the next morning after making out and immediately think about engagement rings. MAYBE WE TOO JUST WANTED TO MAKE OUT. Or just have fun.
When he said he thought we should go sky diving together, and I didn't want to, and then he finally convinced me that I would be glad I did, I DIDN'T SAY YES THINKING WE'D BE SAYING VOWS ON THE WAY DOWN. I just wanted some fun. I said yes because I liked the idea of having someone to go sky-diving with...and maybe paintball gunning. A couple beach days, trips to the shooting range, horse-back-riding, exploring, scuba diving, maybe even a movie or two. Is this scary?? Because I thought dressing up nice and paying $80 on dinner was the scary date. I thought becoming an official couple, double dating, and meeting family members were the real deal breakers.
But maybe fun, adventuresome dates are too bonding or something. Hell if I know.
But fine, be afraid of a long term relationship that you aren't be ready for because you might have to go over-seas again, and you don't think any girl will wait for you. Ironic thing is, we're both scared of serious, but you're just too freaked out to see it.
In case you're wondering, I think you're dumb, and missing out. We both know we had so much fun together. But I promise, I'm working on forgetting you. There's cute doctors everwhere I look, so it shouldn't take me too long.
I'm guessing, a month or two after I'm completely over you, you'll be ready for a relationship, and you'll finally see I'm the great kind of girl that never gets needy, or overwhelming. And then you'll have to return to the world of scary, clingy girls because you didn't have the guts to go after the fun ones.
Irony's a bitch.
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| I hid under a blanket.
I'm glad he can't see me. I wish I didn't hear what he said about me. It's not fair. How can someone want to spend every minute with you one day, and then be afraid of you the next. He's a wimp. And I hate him for it. I hate that I was over him, ready to move on, and then he came up and became all wonderful for a night. I hate the way he kept his arm around me, and my head in his lap. I hate that he's tall and muscular.
But I don't want to think about the good things that I now hate.
I love that he has no smell. I love that his head is small. I love that he's young and just a little boy. I love that deep inside, I really don't care about him. I don't even know him. And I'm done. This is bringing me closure.
I really truly only want those that want me. I'm moving onward, and I'm better for it.
So goodbye to the boy that I thought about for a minute. Stay the hell away from me.
You're right, I want more than you have to offer. You'll never make me happy. I hope you wake up soon, and realize that you were lucky I even thought about you. And I will inwardly laugh as you go back to all those girls that are half as pretty, half as smart, and half as great as me. I'll feel fine as you watch all those guys you envied fall over me, and your chance will be gone. My heart won't even fondle when you can't stop thinking about me, and call me begging to see me, and you will. But I'll have moved on.
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You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Picky
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You have no problem attracting guys - and even dating a little
It's just around second or third date time where you start to see faults
If a guy isn't near perfect, you're not into him.
It's good to have standards - but yours rule almost everyone out.
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Guys Think You're Easy to Be With... But Not Easy
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You're definitely a flirt - and a good one.
But you also know that you shouldn't make a move on any cute guy who passes by.
You save your seductive moves for someone who already knows the real you.
That way, your sex appeal is just part of the whole package.
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Your Independence Level: High
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You are extremely self reliant and autonomous.
You are definitely into doing your own thing.
But you also wouldn't turn down help if you needed it.
You follow your own path, but you don't do so blindly.
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Your Deadly Sins
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Pride: 40%
Sloth: 40%
Envy: 20%
Gluttony: 0%
Greed: 0%
Lust: 0%
Wrath: 0%
Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%
You will become famous
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You Are 74% Feminine, 26% Masculine
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You are in touch with your feminine side.
Sensitive, intuitive, and caring are all words that describe you.
And you're just masculine enough to relate to both men and women.
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You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament
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Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.
It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.
At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.
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Your Personality Is
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Idealist (NF)
You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.
You are creative and full of ideas.
You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.
You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.
Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.
You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.
Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.
In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.
At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.
With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.
As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.
On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.
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You Are 77% Vain
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You're a little vain, but you also work hard for your good looks.
Just remember, everyone knows you are a total hottie. You don't have to remind them.
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Your Sensitivity Score: 70%
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You are a highly sensitive person. Pretty much everything effects you.
You are tuned into the vibe around you, and someone's bad mood can bring you down.
But you also easily share in someone's joy - whether you know them or not.
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Your Love Type: ENFJ
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The Giver
In love, you give your all and feel guilty when relationships fail.
For you, sex is not seperate from love and caring.
Overall, you are humorous, giving, and motivational.
However, you tend to be over-protective and critical of your partner.
Best matches: INFP or ISFP
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haha, I don't know:
Your Kissing Grade: A
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You are truly an amazing kisser. Your kisses are extraordinarily mind blowing.
Whether you're naturally a good kisser or not, you've taken the time learn how to be the best kisser possible.
Anyone would be lucky to get a kiss from you!
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You Are Definitely a Hot Chick
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While your little black book isn't as thick as Paris Hilton's...
You get the most dates of any of your friends
You may have a few things to hide, but you do it well, and still have a five star package that attracts men -
Your looks, your charm, and your ability to tie a cherry with your tongue.
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You Are a Normal Girl
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You are 50% Good and 50% Bad
Sure you've pulled some bad girl stunts in your past.
But these days, you're (mostly) a good girl.
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You're Confident...Sometimes
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You can seem confident when the occasion calls for it
But inside you may be experiencing a bit of self doubt
A little more inner confidence could take you far...
And convince others that you're as confident as you try to seem
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What People Think of Your Mouth
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People see you as both flirtatious and intimidating.
Your friends are secretly put off by your seductive powers.
And strangers either fear you or obsess over you - sometimes both.
No way to fight it - you're a natural vamp. Or rake.
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You Communicate With Your Ears
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You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker.
What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions.
You love to hear complements from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself.
Music is very important to you. It's difficult to find you without your iPod.
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The True You
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You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to do more for you.
With respect to money, you spend as little as possible.
You think good luck will definitely be yours, someday.
The hidden side of your personality tends to be a little selfish. You only do what interests you.
You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.
When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you will search and search until you find your perfect match.
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You'll Find a Boyfriend Within 3 Months
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Maybe you need a bit more time to get over an ex
Or maybe you need a confidence boost to talk to new guys
Either way, you'll find a boyfriend in time...
As long as you keep getting out there and meeting new guys
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You Are A Relationship Rescuer!
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You don't ruin relationships, if anything you keep them together
The key: you respect yourself and your guy. Which goes further than you might think.
You simply treat your guy how you would like to be treated... the old golden rule.
And in return, he treats you like gold - or at least tries. And how perfect is that
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You Are An Attention Whore
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There's no doubt about it, you'll do almost anything for attention.
You crave fame, recognition, and your own entourage of adoring friends.
And when it does feel good when you are in the spotlight, you feel pretty down when no one notices you.
You're so desperate for attention, you're likely to be well known for the wrong reasons. And it's no fun being the Paris Hilton of your social group.
You come across as: Dramatic and needy
People may wrongly think you're: Completely self centered and self absorbed
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You Are 57% Fake
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You realize that beauty is sometimes an illusion, and you're okay with that.
And even though you're a little fake, the real you still shines through.
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Your Birthdate: October 19
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You don't just believe in love at first site - you've experienced it.
You develop crushes pretty easily, but keeping your interest is another matter!
You are very prone to love - hate relationships.
Number of True Loves You'll Have: 1
Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1
You are most compatible with people born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, and 28th of the month.
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The Part of You That No One Sees
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You are passionate, romantic, and emotional.
You put love first in your life, even though you have often been disappointed by it.
You expect to be swept of your feet, and you never expect infatuation to die out.
Underneath it all, you are scared that you aren't lovable.
Your insecurity has ruined many relationships, as you are unable to see the love that's really there.
You are secretly afraid of being alone. Confronting your insecurities is incredibly painful.
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Your Five Variable Love Profile
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Propensity for Monogamy:
Your propensity for monogamy is medium.
In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.
But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!
There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering.
Experience Level:
Your experience level is low.
You've probably either had only one relationship..
Or all of your relationships have been very similar.
You still have a lot to learn... and a lot to try!
Dominance:
Your dominance is low.
This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.
You know a relationship is not about getting your way.
And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.
Cynicism:
Your cynicism is low.
You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.
No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.
You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.
And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon.
Independence:
Your independence is low.
This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships..
It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life.
In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.
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Hmmm... Maybe He's Interested!
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He seems to be giving you mixed or muted signals
Which may mean you've been giving him the wrong messages
When he pauses to notice you, give him a little more attention.
A little encouragement may go a long way with this guy!
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| Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
Your Result
You're neither an introvert or an extrovert, you're more in between. You like spending time with people, but you need quality time by yourself as well. You prefer hanging with a few close mates than a big crowd of people. You're quite a good student at school even though you don't make much effort. Sometiems you get jealous of people because you think you're weird. You're not really that confident, but you will do crazy things if you think you're not getting enough attention. | | |
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